Well let's see, I've been averaging around 44 miles a week for a few months, I've gained about 7 lbs, and I finished 6 minutes slower on my last 15k race. Woo-Hoo, Boston Here I Come. LOL Don't even try to tell me the weight gain is muscle! I signed up for this journey, wanting to challenge myself. I want to become a better coach and to experience being trained by an outstanding teacher. Wow, it's no wonder that I can relate to "Rocky Balboa", because I just seem to be taking more of a beating than I planned on! But hey, I'm sure getting the challenge I was looking for. I'm feeling a little defeated with training. The "Labor Day 15k", gave me a fairly good mental beating. I really was hoping/needing a good result. I wanted to see something tangible from my hard training. I had done everything right, from fueling myself like a runner to resting/tapering. I did my part to run a good race. I was prepared physically. So, what happened?
Explanation: I could not let go of my expectations.
Translation: I couldn't get out of my head.
I went against well given advise - including my own - I wore "The Garmin". In a race "The Garmin" is like "Darth Vader" to me. It zaps the force right out of me! I was obsessed with it. Instead of just running to what my body could do and pushing from there, I was running for what "The Garmin" was flashing as my pace on the screen..."7:53, 8:05, 8:23, 8:10, 7:45; 8:53 - no not a 9:00 minute pace, noooo". I couldn't stop looking at the damn thing.
Analysis: The answer was real clear - it wasn't the heat, not enough sleep, injury or any other reason I could come up with to have a bad race....It was my head!
I wasn't mentally strong enough to ignore my thoughts and just run! I'll spare you the self defending thoughts I had during my long 9.3 miles, but the last one I had - before Novle and Ursula caught up with me and took my "Garmin" away was, "I've gained weight, I'm fat, and that's why I'm not hitting my pace". When I was sharing with Trace, about my race, he was shocked that "The Garmin" didn't end up in the lake. Well it would have, but Novle took it from me. The Lake might be a better place for it. :) When I write, I'm hoping to share my joys, struggles, and solutions. Truth be told, I'm a little lost on this one. A few things I'm real clear on: My head got the best of me, it didn't have anything to do with my ability to perform or my training. Also, I don't won't to get so locked into "The Garmn" that I lose the joy of running or the challenge of this experience. I'm not sure if these are actually solutions, but they sure got me to acceptance and to laughter. First, my friend Trace said, "I'm glad you got that one out of the way, now you can just run." I was actually tearing up as I posted my sad experience on my face book wall, "How I couldn't get out of my head".
My little sister reply back immediately with:
>" Not to worry sister, it happens to the best of us. My head holds me > back too. No wait, that's my ASS, disregard everything-everything i just > said...."
I'm still laughing at that! I don't know how to explain it, but her post was my solution!
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